Alex Kretzinger, executive director at the Des Moines YMCA camp, is a summer camp pro and an expert when it comes to youth development. Kretzinger is on a mission to help young boys untangle what it means to be a man, how to best support their female peers and change the narrative from “toxic masculinity” into “positive masculinity.”
Here are three takeaways from Fearless’ conversation with Kretzinger.
Boys’ lower engagement at camp is a self-fullfilling prophecy.
Kretzinger points to differences in brain development as a key reason for boys’ behavioral problems in school and the decline in the number of boys attending camp in proportion to the number of girls attending.
Here are three takeaways from Fearless’ conversation with Kretzinger.
Boys’ lower engagement at camp is a self-fullfilling prophecy.
Kretzinger points to differences in brain development as a key reason for boys’ behavioral problems in school and the decline in the number of boys attending camp in proportion to the number of girls attending. Class-like settings that require sit-down instructions that young girls are more likely to manage can be more difficult to self-regulate for young boys, and those gender differences are reinforced by social bias later in life.
“I worry that in camp, because we place the same expectations on [boys] for behavior, that we’re setting up the same trend of saying boys aren’t necessarily welcome at camp because they can’t meet our expectation of behavior,” Kretzinger said. “So we have to ask the question, is the problem with the child? Or is the problem with our expectations of them at this age?”
Parents, you’re up.
Self-reflecting on external expectations for male behavior starts with one man, one parent. Kretzinger said feeling emotion or being sensitive is often not viewed as masculine.
“You feel odd about certain things,” Kretzinger said. “Telling a friend that you love them, especially another man, makes you feel like you’ve stepped out of the house with no clothes on. You just feel like [you’ve] exposed [yourself] in a way that’s uncomfortable.”
It’s parents’ responsibility to “start using language about what it means to be a man,” and to raise their sons with clear guidelines for emotional regulation, he said. Parents and other mentors should help set the expectations for manhood and help boys question the social constraints often placed on them, just as empowering girls often focuses on helping them see women can be anything.
Face your privilege.
Understanding your privilege can be difficult to navigate. Men, especially, are taught that apologizing or acknowledging how others are disadvantaged makes you weak, Kretzinger said.
“To feel guilt is something that you push away,” he said. “It’s usually responded to by those who aren’t ready to feel [it], or [who aren’t] in a position [with] the emotional intelligence to deal with [it], is to respond with anger. And that anger typically is directed right back at the [disadvantaged] groups.”
To understand your privilege, it’s imperative to face it.
“You have to be willing to apologize,” Kretzinger said. “[You have to] apologize in the way that you behave and the way that you act, and also accept yourself in a way that you understand that just as much as you benefited from a system, you didn’t create the system.”
Caroline Siebels-Lindquist is a freelance contributing writer.
